Trick-or-Treating in the End Times | “Funeralopolis” by Electric Wizard


Mike Merucci, Editorial Assistant

Well, if there were some ancient, conniving demon residing within me who could conjure up an infinite amount of Dopethrone CDs for me to give out to trick-or-treaters on Halloween, I think that’d be pretty neat. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. 

I only have one Dopethrone CD in my possession, and its doom metal mastery will not be leaving my possession for the happiness of a single trick-or-treater, though I do weigh the fact that this trick-or-treater’s life would surely be changed for the better with this treat — a treat better than a Hershey’s bar or Reese’s cup in all facets. 

Yes, what a treat Electric Wizard’s 2006 album, Dopethrone, is! And in my opinion, the greatest treat within this treat is the nine-minute sludgefest, “Funeralopolis.” I might as well quote my past self to throw my true feelings at you right out of the gate: “Of all the songs on this planet, I believe it is ‘Funeralopolis’ that makes me headbang the absolute hardest. Always feel like I need an ice pack after this shit.” 

I’ll quote my present self, as well: “Of all the songs on this planet, I believe it is ‘Funeralopolis’ that makes me the most excited for Halloween. Always feel like I need some candy corn after this shit.” So toss me some damn candy corn — even though I think it’s on the lower end of the Halloween candy quality spectrum — and allow me to crank up the volume. But do be warned: Ghosts, ghouls and goblins may surround your speakers as this apocalyptic, crushing drone suffocates the nighttime air:


Funeral planet, dead black asteroid /

Mausoleum, this world is a tomb /

Human zombies, staring blank faces /

No reason to live, dead in the womb /

Funeralopolis /

Planet of the dead /

Funeralopolis /

Planet of the dead.”


So, happy listening. Or dread-filled listening — I suppose that might be more fitting. But have a happy Halloween nonetheless. May “Funeralopolis” be a part of it.