Memorex Memories is a new segment where Impact staffers rediscover their own mix CDs and playlists from childhood, pre-teen, and teen years.

I like to think that my inner child is alive and kicking. I watch cartoons regularly. I read picture books about dinosaurs. I eat macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets. Well, that last one is more of a financial thing at this point, but still, I take pride in how well I’ve preserved my sense of wonder and immaturity in the face of, you know, taxes and stuff. One thing has changed during my descent into this pre-death stage of life called adulthood, and that is my musical taste. In a little over a decade, I have gone from a clueless kid with a p2p service to working for a college radio station. Enough about me, though. You came here to take pleasure in a cringe-inducing assortment of music that a fourth grader thought was “wicked sick” ten years ago.

Let me give a little background to this mix CD. The year is 2003. George W had declared “Mission Accomplished” overseas, SARS was all the rage, and it took 3 days to download the latest Linkin Park single on Kazaa. Because all I ever really did was listen to my dad’s copy of AC/DC’s Back in Black, I used p2p for pop music, “rarities,” and sound bites from movies and TV shows. This is an explanation just as much as it is a warning.

Track 1: Fat Bastard Analyzes His Fart by…Mike Myers…?
We’re off to a good start, eh? Just like SARS, Austin Powers in Goldmember was contagious in 2003, and probably just as hazardous to health. The audio to this track is incredibly poor, and I would say that it was probably recorded off of a TV playing the DVD. Thanks Kazaa!

Track 2: Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club
I would like to say that this track was my love for super sweet 80s music showing through early on, but it was really because this track was sampled in a 50 Cent song off of Get Rich or Die Trying that was really popular at the time.

Track 3: Six minutes of Ralph Wiggums quotes from The Simpsons by…Matt Groening…?
Before you make fun of me for this, let me just say that this was before YouTube, Netflix, or any streaming services. You couldn’t just watch whatever you wanted so compilations like this seemed like the way of the future. Okay, now you can make fun of me for this.

Track 4: Back in Black by AC/DC
Ah, AC/DC: the entry level rock band. The world of music was so small and simple back then. Someone should have stopped me here before I spent middle school as a long-haired, mouth-breathing classic rock snob.

Track 5: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Knowing 11 year old me, I’m sure I put this on here because of Wayne’s World and not because I liked Queen.

Track 6: Higher Ground by Red Hot Chili Peppers
In my introduction, I forgot to include that most of the music I was into came from the Tony Hawk video games. I think this was from Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3.

Track 7: A Little Less Conversation by Elvis Presley
Elvis is still cool in 2014. Dated, Fatboy Slim-esque remixes of Elvis are not.

Track 8: You Be Illin’ by Run DMC
Alright, younger me! This one isn’t that embarrassing. It’s almost like I knew I would be writing a retrospective for a college radio station’s website eleven years later.

Track 9: Back to the Future theme by Alan Silvestri
You laugh at this but this is something I’d still do today. In fact, I’m certain that the only reason I was hired by the station is because Ed was impressed by my adapting Back to the Future for the stage in high school, and even more impressed that I put it on my resume.

Track 10: Thunderstruck by AC/DC
I’m so grateful that I made enough room on this CD for another AC/DC song!

Track 11: Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Evidently, Zoolander was just as big of an impact on my life as Austin Powers. The first years of the new millennium were weird. Maybe Y2K did happen and it’s just a slow burn.

Track 13: This Beat Goes On/Switchin’ to Glide by the Kings
I thought this song was cool because it said my last name in it. Personally, I think “Switchin’ to Rodriguez-Cohen” rolls off the tongue better.

Track 14: Goldmember by Beyonce
What a way to close an album. With the Fat Bastard Fart Analysis at the beginning and this track at the end, it really bookends the contents of the album in a thematically impactful way. Kudos, younger me. This truly foreshadows the mixtape master that I am today.

It’s a little scary that the same guy that made this CD is now influencing WDBM’s musical tastes and persona, isn’t it?

Written by Kevin Glide