I go through a lot of phases. No, not the typical teenage, angsty phases, but more so with my music. I’m definitely one of those all-over-the-place people. But there’s one band I come back to again and again, and I always wonder why I left them alone in the first place. There’s also a song — which happens to be the song that started it all for me.

I’ll quit being vague. The band is Pearl Jam, and the song is “Alive” — the song that brought us Pearl Jam.

Let me back up a bit. Imagine Seattle in 1990 — the golden era of the scene’s emergence. Mike McCready, Dave Krusen, Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard were making magic happen. They had everything they needed for their sound, but they had yet to unlock a key component — a legendary frontman. 

Around Oct. 1990, the band members received Eddie Vedder’s legendary audition tape. A mutual friend, former Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Jack Irons, connected them and got the guys talking. Vedder, a guitarist and singer, sent a tape filled with his vocals over their various instrumental tracks. They were especially impressed with one song Vedder had penned — “Alive.” 

So, they flew him out. Guitarist Mike McCready noted in an interview with Mojo, “When Ed came from San Diego, the first time we all got in a room, I was so excited.”

Spirits were high, but the pieces hadn’t all fallen together. Early outside perspectives were not supportive of Vedder. He was seen as an outsider by friends of the band, but with the help of Soundgarden’s Chris Cornell, Vedder began to fit. 

Time went on, and Pearl Jam’s first album, Ten, started coming together. “Alive,” as I mentioned before, was the song that started it all. The track appeared on Ten and was written as a fictional tale that, in part, was influenced by Vedder’s personal life experience. The song is meant to be the first in a trilogy of songs that Vedder would later call a “mini-opera,” or the “Mamasan” trilogy, including “Alive,” “Once” and “Footsteps.”

“Alive” is actually a deeply emotional and dark piece. Vedder compiled years of built-up grief, using this track as his final outlet. In Vedder’s own words from VH1 Storytellers, “The original story being told in the song is of a young man being made aware of some shocking truths.” The full idea is that a young man is confronted with the harsh reality that his father is actually his stepfather, and his real father was, well, gone. “The guy was me, but I barely knew me then. To be honest I was barely there to be known. So he took this to be a curse, like fine you told me this secret, but I’ve gotta figure a way to deal with this. Fine, the dad’s dead, but I’m still alive, and I’ve gotta deal with this.” 

The lyrics give us a sense of Vedder’s internal thoughts, paired with his unique vocals that every fan of Pearl Jam is familiar with. The sheer emotion that Vedder is capable of and can portray through his work is substantial. This is what makes him such a standout figure in the “league of legends” in musical history.

“Is something wrong?” she said, well of course there is /

“You’re still alive,” she said, oh, and do I deserve to be? /

Is that the question? /

And if so, if so who answers? Who answers? /

I, oh, I’m still alive /

Hey, I, hey, I’m still alive /

Hey, I, hey, I’m still alive /

Yeah, I, ooh, I’m still alive! /

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!”

It’s difficult to convey emotion through written lyrics, but you get the idea. I love this song so much that I can hear Vedder’s voice cutting through the back parts of my brain as I pore over the lyrics. That says something.

All in all, this really is the song that started it all. It brought Pearl Jam Eddie Vedder, who’s embraced the world with his unique styles and ideas for years.  So, remember, listen to this song, and keep on keeping on. You’re still alive! Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah!