The day is almost upon us. Vikings called it Ragnarok. Americans simply call it Black Friday. It’s basically a hardcore show with skewed age demographics. All it needs is a little music. Here’s a little something to listen to as you compete in a Hunger Games-esque battle for sweet deals.
Listen to our Spotify playlist here.
I Like Food by the Descendents
This is the first song on the playlist so that you can get your adrenaline pumping and your mosh muscles moving at the end of your Thanksgiving meal.
Kick Out the Jams by MC5
These Motor City proto-punk heroes know how to get a crowd going. “Right now it’s time to…kick out the jams, motha–” well, you know the rest.
Sabotage by the Beastie Boys
For when the police come with riot shields and tear gas.
Gimme Gimme Gimme by Black Flag
This hardcore classic is pretty self explanatory.
Material Girl by Madonna
Once again, pretty self-explanatory.
Got It at the Store by the Dickies
I promise I didn’t pick these tracks so that I’d have to write less.
What Do I Get? by the Buzzcocks
Slamdance selfishly into other shoppers because Black Friday is a right, not a privilege.
What’s Going On by Marvin Gaye
If you just go to stores on Black Friday to observe the chaos, this is a peaceful groove that is still pretty fitting for the scenario at hand.
Television Rules the Nation by Daft Punk
And it’s a 40 inch LCD for $199 at that!
Universal Mind Control by Common
Don’t ask why you’re at the store. Buy the complete series boxset of “That 70’s Show” even though it’s totally on Netflix. Don’t think. Do it. Now.
Uncontrollable Urge by Devo
If you’re one of those goobers who read this and said, “Hey, it’s that band that does that
Whip It’ song,” I hope your Thanksgiving dinner gives you repulsive, relentless gas.
Money Trees by Kendrick Lamar
“Me and my mom try to get a Keurig for 65% off, yah bish.”
Video Games by Lana Del Rey
This one’s for the people who will inevitably come second to their significant others’ Xbox Ones and PS4s during the holiday season.
Sleep Now in the Fire by Rage Against the Machine
Because let’s face it: it wouldn’t be a Black Friday playlist without some Rage.
Shopping by the Pet Shop Boys
This song is called “Shopping” and it’s about shopping and it’s written by the Pet Shop Boys and shopping is what you do on Black Friday. Pretty clever of me, don’t you think so?
Time for Heroes by The Libertines
“Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?” Yes, the Libertines, and I think they got that outfit for 80% off too!
Hysteria by Muse
Yes, I could have used “Madness,” but I feel that this track is much more suitable for smacking someone over the head with a $25 dollar Blu-Ray player.
Capital G by Nine Inch Nails
Trent Reznor said that the “G” stands for “greed.” So maybe think twice the next time you steal a Tickle Me Elmo from a 90 year old lady in a lark.
Shoplifters of the World Unite by The Smiths
But who would bother stealing at these prices anyway?
Give Peace a Chance by Aerosmith (like John Lennon can’t use Spotify or something)
Sit and listen to this as the sun comes up on the scorched remains of a barren Walmart.
Have a fun and safe Black Friday. Remember, there is no such thing as moshpit etiquette at places like Target and Best Buy.
Written by Kevin Glide
Image credit: openlettersmonthly.com